Tarukh-the star

Bondage

2010-07-13T15:21:00.000+05:30

Culture, religion,tradition
engulf our beings
chains us so
makes it
difficult to breathe..

Yet I make my own path
tread it with
certainty
and I am " me "
in my spaces

In my solitude
I yearn..
To let my inner
caterpillar develop wings
and fly into the
open sky..

The sufi and the grieving mother

2010-06-30T19:36:00.003+05:30

Somedays I strive to find myself, and somedays I know not why??? The "why" days have been coming one after the other and that prompts me to post this beautiful poem from the book Conference of the birds by Farid-ud-Din Attar.

Beside her daughter's grave a mother grieved.
A sufi said, " This woman has perceived
The nature of her loss; her heart knows why
She comes to mourn, for whom she has to cry-
She grieves but knowledge makes her fortunate;
Consider now a sufi's wretched state!
What daily, nightly vigils I must keep
And never know for whom it is I weep;
I mourn in lonely darkness,unaware
Whose absence is the cause of my despair.
Since she knows what has caused her agony,
She is a thousand times more blessed than me-
I have no notion of what makes me weep,
What prompts the painful vigils I must keep.
My heart is lost, and here I cannot find
The rope by which men live, the rational mind_
The key to thought is lost; to reach this far
Means to despair of who and what you are.
And yet it is to see within the soul-
And at a stroke- the meaning of the Whole."

The house that built me...

2010-06-30T10:12:00.001+05:30

This brought so many memories back to me...

Aes chhe kasher

2010-06-22T14:11:00.002+05:30

Aes che kasher ( We are Kashmiris!!). How proud does that make us feel? Are we proud?? Every single day we go through this dilemma of what we are? Are we kashmiris, Indian, hindu, muslim.. We keep flitting between these worlds and fumbling for answers.

It was this predicament that made me a part of ACK. I wanted to be able to define who I am. ACK gave me a platform to know just that. I got in touch with my roots, people; made friends who I cherish and amazingly learnt so much about my homeland which had escaped my eyes all those years that I grew up there.

Kahte Kabir suno bhai sadhoo...

2010-02-03T20:31:00.004+05:30

Have been reading a lot of books lately . Fiction, poetry, life histories. A few I just skipped by and a few left an indelible impression on my thought process. One of the books which I found to be really absorbing was about Kabir.
Kabir the poet, came to me when i was a school student and all I gathered that time was that he used to write couplets in Hindi , he was a weaver by profession and he did all that he could to integrate Hinduism and Islam.
As I read through the book i was amazed at how relevant Kabir still is? Nothing much has changed over these years. Caste divisions, religious differences, hatred among people,greed, corruption- everything still exists. It is bewildering that the society Kabir lived in, though separated by centuries, is the same as th one we live in today. Kabir's poems have not lost their relevance also due to the fact that he understood the human psyche so well and that seems to be one thing which hasn't changed over all these years. Sample some of these....

माला तो कर में फिरे,
जीब फिरे मुख माहि ,
मानुहा तो चहू दिशा फिरे,
यह तो सुमिरन नाही .
Translation-rosary rotating by the hand (or) the tongue twisting in the mouth, With the mind wandering everywhere, this isn't meditation (Oh uncouth!)

बोलना का कहिये रे भाई ,
बोलत बोलत तत नमाई
बोलत बोलत बढे बिकारा
बिन बोलिया क्यूँ होई बिचारा।
संत मिले कुछ कहिये कहिये
मिले असंत मुष्टि करी रहिये ।
ज्ञानी सो बोलिया हितकारी,
मुरख सो बोलिया झाख्मारी।
कहते कबीर आधा घट डोले,
भरिया होए तो मूषां न बोले।

Too much talk leads to chaos
Yet without talk how does one discuss
If you must; then talk with saints
With devils it is better to stay mum
Blessing it is to talk with the wise
Talking with stupid is waste of time
Says Kabir, Half full is forever swaying
The fulfilled prefers staying calm

मुझे बड़ा नहीं होना

2010-01-06T11:42:00.002+05:30

शाम एक छोटे से घर मैं

किलकारी गूंजी थी

नया मेहमान अभी अभी

गरब की सीडियूं से

माँ की गोद के फर्श पर

लोट रहा था ।

एक आवाज़ कानूं में गूंजी

लड़का है या लड़की??

मेहमान गहरी सोंच में

यह समझने की कोशिश करने लगा

खातिरदारी में फर्क है

किसी ने बताया क्यूँ नहीं ?

वोही बन के आ जाता

जिस का स्वागत हो बालाईयुं से

जिस की एक हंसी पे वार देते सारा जहाँ

जिस के लड़खड़ाते कदम ज़मीन पे पड़ते ही

सारा घर उथल पुथल हो जाता

किसी ने बताया क्यूँ नहीं ????

2009-12-18T11:45:00.005+05:30

लडखडाते कदमों की आहट

एक सूनी सी राह पर ,

मन के किसी कौने को

खटखटाने लगी .

एक बचपन जो खो गया ,

एक धुंदली सी चादर ओढ़ के सो गया .

नीद खुली तो देखा ,

एक में ,

एक अनजान शहर,

कुछ लोग मेरे साथ ,

कुछ का छूटा साथ .

फिर भी मन है के मानता ही नहीं

जिद्द करता है

उसी और मुड़ने को

मजबूर करता है ।

जाऊं या न जाऊं ,

क्या करूँ कोई बतलाया यहाँ ..

2009-12-02T21:02:00.001+05:30

सिहाई से लिखा हर लफ्ज़ मिटने को जी करता है,

दिल पे जो खोदा है आंसूं से तेरा नाम उसे मिटाऊं कैसे?

घर

2009-11-28T13:25:00.004+05:30

दर-ओ-दीवार पे लिखी है

उस एक पहर की याद,

घर छोड़ कर चले थे

जब अनजानी राह पर.

उस पहर से मलाल नहीं

न उस शक्स से है गिला

कोई बस अगर बता जाता

क्या जुर्म किया था .

चाहते थे सिर्फ़ इतना

की बुडापा गुज़र जाए,

उस घर के दरवाज़े से

मयत ही निकल जाए ।

अब बेठे है इस सूने से मकान में

घर जो न बन सका है

इतने भी बरस मैं .

Kuch sahi, kuch nahin..

2009-11-26T10:00:00.003+05:30

फतूर फुर्सत में उभरता है
ऐसी फुर्सत हमें दरकार नहीं ,
कुछ सही कुछ अनकही बातें
कहने को दिल मचलता है

I care

2009-09-30T10:26:00.005+05:30

Droplets of tears
on my face
tell a story,
of a life wasted,
years gone by,
dreams unfulfilled,
part of me
that I have seen die.
Each teardrop
a window to my heart,
the place where all
my fantasies remain,
ready to creep
into my mind,
the letters
jostling to become words,
sentences....

2009-09-02T13:04:00.006+05:30

रूह तड़प उठती है
निगाहें यार से तीर जब
निकलता है ।
सांसुओं की सरगोशी
कुछ कहती है
कुछ सुनती है।
ख़ास सी कोई बात कहने को
होंठ खुलते तो हैं
साँस नब्ज़ की तरह
फ्द्फ्दाती भी है
कदम बड़ते है
सूनी सी राह पर .
पर देखो तो
किस बेफिक्री से
पहलु से गुज़र वो गया
उम्मीद बांधे हम
देखते रहे ।
शमा जल के
बुज भी गई

तू ही तू ...

2009-08-26T11:36:00.005+05:30

Angaarun ki tapish tu

patun ki sarsarahat tu

Sarakti hui oodhini tu

chudiyun ki khanak tu

Ghalun ki lali tu

noor-e-ishq ka sawali tu

Bheed mein khamoshi tu

galiyun ka sannata tu

Meri soch mein tu

mere jism ki kampan tu

Bhekta hua pal tu

aankhun ka akelapan tu

Tu hi tu

har su...

सभी कुछ तो है ..

2009-08-10T12:46:00.008+05:30

दिल का सकून

आंखूं का चैन

रूह का आराम

सभी कुछ है ज़िन्दगी में

एक हुक सी दिल में फिर भी उठती है क्यूँ?

सोचती हूँ कई बार

मेरी सोच उड़कर बठेती है

किसी ऊँची शाख पर

मेरे खावाबुं से भी ऊँची

सोचती हूँ कि

टूट कर शाख से जो पत्ता गिरा

उसे उठाने कोई क्यूँ नहीं आता?

जो फूल मुर्जा जाता

वो दिल को बहला क्यूँ नहीं देता ?

याद किसी की

दिल के किसी कौने में कुरेदती है क्यूँ ?

पंख फेलाकर उड़ने को

कोई झोंका हवा का लिपटता नही क्यूँ ?

सभी कुछ तो है

और कुछ भी नहीं.......

क्या हो जो .....

2009-07-30T22:10:00.003+05:30

दिल की गहराई जो नाप सको तो
क्या जाने क्या हो
हर लम्हा तेरे साथ न हो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो ।

कोयल की मदहोश आवाज़
जो कानओ में पड़ जाती है .
कुछ गीत मधुर सा गाने को
मन ही मन ललचाती है ।
एक धुन मुझे भी दे दो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो।

रात का खामोश पहर
कोई मीठा सा दर्द ले कर सरकता है
पल पल, हर पल लफ्जों का
तूफ़ान दिल में उमड़ता है
एक गीत मुझे भी दे दो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो .

मन में दर्द छुपा सदियों का
जाकर किसे दिखलायें यहाँ .
कौन है जो मरहम जारा सा
खुले घाव पे रख दे तो ।
एक हाथ बड़ा कर थाम ले कोई तो
क्या जाने क्या हो.

The quintessential Indian Male

2009-07-22T12:44:00.003+05:30

The Indian man comes with a lot of baggage. I wonder how they carry on with their lives knowing that they have to be the best. It must be a difficult place to be in!!
As women , we suffer them with our usual elan. However, somedays we get miffed and write a post as this. It in no way means that all of it is not true, at least thats what I feel today!
Here are the qualities of The Indian Man. Please feel free to add some more....

1. I am always right.
2. I will not say sorry for my faults or my mistakes.
3. I know everything.
4. My ego is bigger (bigger than anything and everyone, no degrees here!!)
5. No one shouts at me (only I have the liberty to do it at my whims and fancies!!)
6. I will not contribute to the household duties but often when things do not go my way, I will not stop criticizing !
7. Things always go right when I do them. Others( that means THE WIFE!!) just make a mess.
8. I take all the credit if the kids do well. But, if they don’t , well, mom is to blame!!
9. I can mend everything around the house but i will not ever try to mend a broken heart.

Colour of spirit

2009-07-17T10:21:00.005+05:30

BLACK- the colour of despair,
the colour of darkness,
the epitome of fierceness.
The uneasy feeling it leaves
of the shadows lurking behind.
Black- the world of ones
whose sight fails them.
Black the silence that envelops you
when you want to say a lot
but words fail you.

Black clouds that bring rain,
bringing respite to the parched earth.
Black the darkness of the night
which opens up its small windows,
to the morning light
and plays peek-a boo with you.
Black the board
on which we write our first word.
Black the colour or is it white
pure, natural,
cant decide!!!

In love

2009-07-16T10:57:00.006+05:30

I gaze at the stars

remembering the twinkling

of your eyes.

The look that would melt me

The gaze that sank me

deep into the abyss of

unknowing lands.

And I,

followed you without a thought.

I plunged deeper

and deeper.

My veins pounded at my chest.

I groaned....

to let go.

Let go of me from

the hold you have over me.

I staggered up

and caught my bearings.

To fall again

fall again in love with you

The journey

2009-07-13T11:02:00.001+05:30

Listlessly walking through
lanes and bylanes
looking for the way i lost or missed.
When I started the journey
the end seemed so near
Yet today, the maze seems endless
Did I miss the turn by chance
or was it delibrate
I lunged the distance,
trotted my way
grasped each passing branch,
got scraped through and through,
looked forelorn...
but,
each wound the endless journey gave
I was carressed
carressed by the passing wind
that whispered in my ears
go on.. go on..

Yesterday

2009-07-10T13:08:00.003+05:30

You have to be there
And the story unfolds itself.
An unrequited love,
an unsung song.
The words left unsaid,
the prayers that go along.
the mind that impedes,
the heart that wants.
Small steps are taken,
but the miles that daunt.
Your tryst with destiny,
which you never could keep.
The dreams that remain unfulfilled,
come haunt you in your sleep.

You have to be there to know...
For each unsung song
there is a new melody
Each heart filled with love
will beat till eternity.
The mind may hinder,
but it also lets you keep,
The thoughts deep down ,
to recount in your sleep.

So take each step,
as if you covered a mile.
Life does not tarry with yesterday
It just moves along

R.I.P MJ

2009-07-08T12:25:00.000+05:30

Let me make this clear- I am not a Micheal Jackson fan. I have never been! I never could make heads and tails of his music. I never did follow the lyrics( coming from a small town which had just one shop selling cassettes and most of then being hindi film songs!) .

My tryst with english music started with Boney M and Cliff Richards; my graduation to Wham, Madonna, Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Julio and Enrique Iglesisas, country music ( Johnny Cash, Jim Revees)and finally rock and roll ( Elvis, Beatles) was a painfully slow one. Between all of them, I remember looking at the thriller video and wondering what this strange looking ,thin guy was doing gyrating his pelvis and making such horrid faces! “ How can one sell gore?” –that was the thought which crossed my mind seeing the Thriller video. And boy! Was I proved wrong? It didn’t just sell but still is considered the BEST.

Yesterday the memorial service moved me. I cried – I cried not for the man MJ was but for the man he could have been! I cried for the childhood he lost, I cried for being judgemental, I cried…..

Back to where I belong

2009-07-06T12:46:00.003+05:30

I start this July with being back home! I was in Bangalore for a few days on a short and great holiday. I just envy the guys there the weather. It is great to be back but it would have been fantastic if I were able to get the Bangalore weather with me too! I happened to go to Chicmangalore too. What a beautiful place? I have a passing thought of settling there finally. It reminded me so much of my own beautiful small town. How I long to go there? I keep telling myself that it will be soon that i will be in the environs of the place i love so much , but well, how soon only HE knows!!
I forgot to mention that I went on this trip alone( THE spouse was left behind to take care of the kids!!!!). This was one of the very few times I did not get harrassed by crazy twitters demanding icecreams, the laments of who got a bigger scoop, the frequent nature calls, the almost deadly stunts aka Akshay Kumar just before we get into the aircraft, the poor airhostessess having a gruelling time going to and fro to get Pepsi!!!! How peaceful the travel was?
Do I sound like a terrible mom? I just might but I really believe that we all moms need a little time for ourselves too.

No comments anxiety!!!!!

2009-06-30T21:27:00.000+05:30

This is really wierd! After i posted on my blog , i have gone back to it almost six times to see if someone had a comment to make!!!.
I suffered from first timer jitters and now it is the no comments anxiety!!!
Oh GOD!!! Please help.
I wonder how many of us go through these crests and troughs of life unscathed. All my life , I have been trying to please one person or the other. During childhood, it was my family( I have a huge one!!!) , adolescent stage was entirely for my friends, college and university was devoted to my professors( I had to be the best student, you see!), after marriage it is now my second family(I have to be the best daughter-in law). I often feel that all these years I have not only aspired to be the best, I in fact, have managed to be! And I tell u it is boring to be number one! Why do we have to be the best?

First timer jitters!!

2009-06-30T18:43:00.000+05:30

Ok! this is the first of my posts.
I did start a blog earlier but stopped for no reason at all. Was it lack of expression or lack of time or lack of imagination? I guess, all of them put together. So this time around i am going through the first timer jitters! I want this post to be really good( i wonder if all of u bloggers felt the same anxiety while writing your first one!). I want all of u ,readers, to take notice. So there is a lot of pressure to have a great write up here. I hope my creative instinct does not give up on me too soon, at least till the end of this post!! I am praying hard!!!
I have been doing the rounds of some great blogs recently. Amazing at how beautifully some of them are written. I feel that gave me the final push to start one of my own. I do not claim to be as good as all of u guys out there, but i will try, for sure.