लडखडाते कदमों की आहट
एक सूनी सी राह पर ,
मन के किसी कौने को

खटखटाने लगी .

एक बचपन जो खो गया ,

एक धुंदली सी चादर ओढ़ के सो गया .

नीद खुली तो देखा ,

एक में ,

एक अनजान शहर,

कुछ लोग मेरे साथ ,

कुछ का छूटा साथ .

फिर भी मन है के मानता ही नहीं

जिद्द करता है

उसी और मुड़ने को

मजबूर करता है ।

जाऊं या न जाऊं ,

क्या करूँ कोई बतलाया यहाँ ..

सिहाई से लिखा हर लफ्ज़ मिटने को जी करता है,

दिल पे जो खोदा है आंसूं से तेरा नाम उसे मिटाऊं कैसे?

घर

दर-ओ-दीवार पे लिखी है

उस एक पहर की याद,

घर छोड़ कर चले थे

जब अनजानी राह पर.

उस पहर से मलाल नहीं

न उस शक्स से है गिला

कोई बस अगर बता जाता

क्या जुर्म किया था .

चाहते थे सिर्फ़ इतना

की बुडापा गुज़र जाए,

उस घर के दरवाज़े से

मयत ही निकल जाए ।

अब बेठे है इस सूने से मकान में

घर जो न बन सका है

इतने भी बरस मैं .

Kuch sahi, kuch nahin..

फतूर फुर्सत में उभरता है
ऐसी फुर्सत हमें दरकार नहीं ,
कुछ सही कुछ अनकही बातें
कहने को दिल मचलता है

I care

Droplets of tears
on my face
tell a story,
of a life wasted,
years gone by,
dreams unfulfilled,
part of me
that I have seen die.
Each teardrop
a window to my heart,
the place where all
my fantasies remain,
ready to creep
into my mind,
the letters
jostling to become words,
sentences....

रूह तड़प उठती है
निगाहें यार से तीर जब
निकलता है ।
सांसुओं की सरगोशी
कुछ कहती है
कुछ सुनती है।
ख़ास सी कोई बात कहने को
होंठ खुलते तो हैं
साँस नब्ज़ की तरह
फ्द्फ्दाती भी है
कदम बड़ते है
सूनी सी राह पर .
पर देखो तो
किस बेफिक्री से
पहलु से गुज़र वो गया
उम्मीद बांधे हम
देखते रहे ।
शमा जल के
बुज भी गई

तू ही तू ...

अंगारों की तपिश तू

पतोँ की सरसराहट तू

सरकती हुई ओढ़नी  तू

चूड़ियों  की खनक तू

गालोँ की लाली तू

नूर -इ -इश्क़ का सवाली तू

भीड़ में ख़ामोशी तू

गलियूं का सन्नाटा तू

मेरी सोच में तू

मेरे ज़िस्म की कंपन तू

बहकता हुआ पल तू

आँखोँ का अकेलापन तू

तू ही तू

हर सू। ...

सभी कुछ तो है ..

दिल का सकून

आंखूं का चैन

रूह का आराम

सभी कुछ है ज़िन्दगी में

एक हुक सी दिल में फिर भी उठती है क्यूँ?

सोचती हूँ कई बार

मेरी सोच उड़कर बठेती है

किसी ऊँची शाख पर

मेरे खावाबुं से भी ऊँची

सोचती हूँ कि

टूट कर शाख से जो पत्ता गिरा

उसे उठाने कोई क्यूँ नहीं आता?

जो फूल मुर्जा जाता

वो दिल को बहला क्यूँ नहीं देता ?

याद किसी की

दिल के किसी कौने में कुरेदती है क्यूँ ?

पंख फेलाकर उड़ने को

कोई झोंका हवा का लिपटता नही क्यूँ ?

सभी कुछ तो है

और कुछ भी नहीं.......

क्या हो जो .....

दिल की गहराई जो नाप सको तो
क्या जाने क्या हो
हर लम्हा तेरे साथ न हो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो ।

कोयल की मदहोश आवाज़
जो कानओ में पड़ जाती है .
कुछ गीत मधुर सा गाने को
मन ही मन ललचाती है ।
एक धुन मुझे भी दे दो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो।

रात का खामोश पहर
कोई मीठा सा दर्द ले कर सरकता है
पल पल, हर पल लफ्जों का
तूफ़ान दिल में उमड़ता है
एक गीत मुझे भी दे दो तो
क्या जाने क्या हो .

मन में दर्द छुपा सदियों का
जाकर किसे दिखलायें यहाँ .
कौन है जो मरहम जारा सा
खुले घाव पे रख दे तो ।
एक हाथ बड़ा कर थाम ले कोई तो
क्या जाने क्या हो.

The quintessential Indian Male

The Indian man comes with a lot of baggage. I wonder how they carry on with their lives knowing that they have to be the best. It must be a difficult place to be in!!
As women , we suffer them with our usual elan. However, somedays we get miffed and write a post as this. It in no way means that all of it is not true, at least thats what I feel today!
Here are the qualities of The Indian Man. Please feel free to add some more....

1. I am always right.
2. I will not say sorry for my faults or my mistakes.
3. I know everything.
4. My ego is bigger (bigger than anything and everyone, no degrees here!!)
5. No one shouts at me (only I have the liberty to do it at my whims and fancies!!)
6. I will not contribute to the household duties but often when things do not go my way, I will not stop criticizing !
7. Things always go right when I do them. Others( that means THE WIFE!!) just make a mess.
8. I take all the credit if the kids do well. But, if they don’t , well, mom is to blame!!
9. I can mend everything around the house but i will not ever try to mend a broken heart.

Colour of spirit

BLACK- the colour of despair,
the colour of darkness,
the epitome of fierceness.
The uneasy feeling it leaves
of the shadows lurking behind.
Black- the world of ones
whose sight fails them.
Black the silence that envelops you
when you want to say a lot
but words fail you.

Black clouds that bring rain,
bringing respite to the parched earth.
Black the darkness of the night
which opens up its small windows,
to the morning light
and plays peek-a boo with you.
Black the board
on which we write our first word.
Black the colour or is it white
pure, natural,
cant decide!!!

In love

I gaze at the stars

remembering the twinkling

of your eyes.

The look that would melt me

The gaze that sank me

deep into the abyss of

unknowing lands.

And I,

followed you without a thought.

I plunged deeper

and deeper.

My veins pounded at my chest.

I groaned....

to let go.

Let go of me from

the hold you have over me.

I staggered up

and caught my bearings.

To fall again

fall again in love with you

The journey

Listlessly walking through
lanes and bylanes
looking for the way i lost or missed.
When I started the journey
the end seemed so near
Yet today, the maze seems endless
Did I miss the turn by chance
or was it delibrate
I lunged the distance,
trotted my way
grasped each passing branch,
got scraped through and through,
looked forelorn...
but,
each wound the endless journey gave
I was carressed
carressed by the passing wind
that whispered in my ears
go on.. go on..

Yesterday

You have to be there
And the story unfolds itself.
An unrequited love,
an unsung song.
The words left unsaid,
the prayers that go along.
the mind that impedes,
the heart that wants.
Small steps are taken,
but the miles that daunt.
Your tryst with destiny,
which you never could keep.
The dreams that remain unfulfilled,
come haunt you in your sleep.

You have to be there to know...
For each unsung song
there is a new melody
Each heart filled with love
will beat till eternity.
The mind may hinder,
but it also lets you keep,
The thoughts deep down ,
to recount in your sleep.

So take each step,
as if you covered a mile.
Life does not tarry with yesterday
It just moves along

R.I.P MJ

Let me make this clear- I am not a Micheal Jackson fan. I have never been! I never could make heads and tails of his music. I never did follow the lyrics( coming from a small town which had just one shop selling cassettes and most of then being hindi film songs!) .

My tryst with english music started with Boney M and Cliff Richards; my graduation to Wham, Madonna, Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Julio and Enrique Iglesisas, country music ( Johnny Cash, Jim Revees)and finally rock and roll ( Elvis, Beatles) was a painfully slow one. Between all of them, I remember looking at the thriller video and wondering what this strange looking ,thin guy was doing gyrating his pelvis and making such horrid faces! “ How can one sell gore?” –that was the thought which crossed my mind seeing the Thriller video. And boy! Was I proved wrong? It didn’t just sell but still is considered the BEST.

Yesterday the memorial service moved me. I cried – I cried not for the man MJ was but for the man he could have been! I cried for the childhood he lost, I cried for being judgemental, I cried…..

Back to where I belong

I start this July with being back home! I was in Bangalore for a few days on a short and great holiday. I just envy the guys there the weather. It is great to be back but it would have been fantastic if I were able to get the Bangalore weather with me too! I happened to go to Chicmangalore too. What a beautiful place? I have a passing thought of settling there finally. It reminded me so much of my own beautiful small town. How I long to go there? I keep telling myself that it will be soon that i will be in the environs of the place i love so much , but well, how soon only HE knows!!
I forgot to mention that I went on this trip alone( THE spouse was left behind to take care of the kids!!!!). This was one of the very few times I did not get harrassed by crazy twitters demanding icecreams, the laments of who got a bigger scoop, the frequent nature calls, the almost deadly stunts aka Akshay Kumar just before we get into the aircraft, the poor airhostessess having a gruelling time going to and fro to get Pepsi!!!! How peaceful the travel was?
Do I sound like a terrible mom? I just might but I really believe that we all moms need a little time for ourselves too.

No comments anxiety!!!!!

This is really wierd! After i posted on my blog , i have gone back to it almost six times to see if someone had a comment to make!!!.
I suffered from first timer jitters and now it is the no comments anxiety!!!
Oh GOD!!! Please help.
I wonder how many of us go through these crests and troughs of life unscathed. All my life , I have been trying to please one person or the other. During childhood, it was my family( I have a huge one!!!) , adolescent stage was entirely for my friends, college and university was devoted to my professors( I had to be the best student, you see!), after marriage it is now my second family(I have to be the best daughter-in law). I often feel that all these years I have not only aspired to be the best, I in fact, have managed to be! And I tell u it is boring to be number one! Why do we have to be the best?

First timer jitters!!

Ok! this is the first of my posts.
I did start a blog earlier but stopped for no reason at all. Was it lack of expression or lack of time or lack of imagination? I guess, all of them put together. So this time around i am going through the first timer jitters! I want this post to be really good( i wonder if all of u bloggers felt the same anxiety while writing your first one!). I want all of u ,readers, to take notice. So there is a lot of pressure to have a great write up here. I hope my creative instinct does not give up on me too soon, at least till the end of this post!! I am praying hard!!!
I have been doing the rounds of some great blogs recently. Amazing at how beautifully some of them are written. I feel that gave me the final push to start one of my own. I do not claim to be as good as all of u guys out there, but i will try, for sure.